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I started telling myself this when I had gained that "wilderness" weight. Before I continue, let me define what I mean by wilderness. It's like the story of David or how the ancient Israelites had to wander in the desert for 40 more years until the older generation passed away. Those are two distinct journeys, but it all leads to one thing: the old/unrefined versions of you can not go where you are promised. I never thought I'd share this picture on the internet. My skin was so bad, and my hair wasn't perfect, but this is my favorite picture. On a random day in the middle of the storm - I felt beautiful inside. In August 2022, I gained a bunch of weight. That didn't bother me, but what bothered me was that I felt awful internally, and it felt like it was manifesting physically. I was working on what I loved about myself, and that was another come to Jesus moment in the mirror. I told myself that day that I wasn't focused on losing weight (I liked the curves I had) but working to feel better. Who was I outside what I looked like? I've never been a person who cared about physical beauty. I always wanted to be the woman who shined eternally. This woman could be recognized for her gifts, wisdom, kindness, and strength. The process of me setting a daily walking goal led me to walk and talk with God heavily. After all, who knows me better than the one who created me? I realized that I was always the woman I hoped to be. Each lap I walked around the neighborhood was a victory for me. I will have to love every change and imperfection for the rest of my life and discover new ways to love myself, and you will too. Side note: Please don't use this blog post to spread hateful messages about people and their bodies.

Matthew 7:7-8 7 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Dear God, you've proven yourself faithful and true even when you didn't need to. Last year was the best and worst year of my life. You've pruned, changed, broken me, and molded me into a woman I can be proud of. This year, I proclaim that I'll take my place in this world. That I am blessed to be a blessing to other people. That I inspire people to be their best selves because of you. Help me guide them through their wilderness season. Let me encourage your people. I speak overflow and open doors and supernatural opportunities into existence. My JESUS, my Yeshua, my Holy King. I thank you for your sacrifice, love, and the peace you give. Please give me the grace to shake the foundation of this world this year. The stamina to do all the things you have prepared me to do. For every tongue that rose against me. That spoke against your hand in my life. God, I ask you to forgive them for their ignorance. And through all the things you do for me, I hope it cultivates a new understanding and love for you in their hearts. This year will mark the beginning of a lifetime of happiness. You are a promise keeper and time redeemer. For all the years of pain and suffering, this year marks my complete emancipation from my sins. I pray for the people you send to any of my platforms that they feel welcomed in this community. Amen.

"Run it up! Run it up! Run it!" It's all I can think about when I see count the cost. I love the stars. It's where I go to feel closer to God. Whether it's deep off into the night or early morning, this is the time I talk to God the most. Where I need him the most. I don't want to be a person who only talks about the triumphs of their walk with God. Shoot October started as a month of praise and worship and now? I don't have any hope for my situation. I'm typing the edits of this on Jesus' fumes. I am tired. Truly tired. This hasn't been easy. I started this blog in what feels like the best and worst year of my life. Because I am aware of what's going on physically and attuned to what's going on spiritually. The enemy has been attempting to run a fade or has at least gotten a few licks in. This has been more frequent since I was building the website for this blog and releasing videos on youtube. I've also been trying to celebrate some of my wins physically and spiritually. Child... This is HARD! I WANNA GO HOME. I'm getting the hang of God's test and when the enemy is taking a swing at me. Y'all, I'm just grateful I run to God now instead of bottling things all up. Everyone has been testing my patience, my peace, and my mind, but I have to endure. I knew when I started this blog that I may find myself discouraged. Everything I am doing right now is so new and so frustrating. I can see the weaknesses of my writing amplified by this blog! This has all been so disorienting. I thought stepping into my purpose and beginning to hold my mantle would give me peace! God never tells you all the things you're going to encounter when you say yes to him. You just have to continue scared out of your mind! There's nothing to do but to get through it. I feel more stunned every day and man, I know I am getting stronger the more I weather these storms. They are doing nothing more than pushing me deeper with God. But, really I'm running the enemy, and all his goonies a fade as soon as I go on to glory! The journey is not easy. It's a lot of tears. It's a lot of shedding. It's a lot of learning, not just what God is doing in your life. Nope, it's more than that. You're riding a bike on the freeway. God is telling you your next steps while you're still taking the first four! You're learning on all fronts while you're losing friends, you're losing fears, you are shedding all the things that do not serve you in this season and you're constantly dying to yourself and being made new. You're constantly changing and having to navigate while God is transitioning you. HELLO SOMEBODY?!?! I know I talked about it on my blog before, but we don't need to throw a "who has it a worse party." Truth is, life's gonna try to run a fade on everyone regardless of what you've been through, what you're going through, and what you will go through. Some people are just getting hit by storms that they never in a million years thought they'd have to face. Some have been fighting for their life all their life. God is constantly shaping and shaking and moving. That's why we call upon the spirit of the living God. When you take this faith walk you have a calling on your life that is higher than anything that you ever imagined. God gives some people these promises well in advance and it's been a long time coming.... and you're still waiting. God has a funny way of getting you where you need to go. Look at Joseph! It's a narrow road. You can walk with many and still feel lonely. Seeing myself birthing new versions of myself means I am being stretched constantly and given different challenges to form me. The places God is taking me on my journey I can't be a weak leader of God. I don't want to lead by emotions. I know I cannot afford to do those things in the places where God is calling me to. I want to be a wise servant of God to lead people with love and Christ-like behavior. I wanna shove People's Opinions off of a Roof. I don't like talking to noncreative or people who aren't there yet with their faith walk. Usually, when I talk to these people they can't see past a certain point. Everything is simple and plain, and their advice is... hit or miss. They'll get the physical (i.e situations, emotions, mental, and physical things) right, but miss the spiritual aspect and vice versa. When you're living in your purpose and when you answer the call, you have to turn your back on so many opinions. You start to realize that some people can scare you out of your path. All of you who are stepping into your purpose... You will have to take some steps that look crazy! Keep Going! It's big stepping faith. I got into high school theatre by being dropped into a class. It was the scariest thing I thought I'd ever do, but it led me here. I was a shy kid and that was a total change for me because I barely spoke above a whisper when I entered high school. You give up everything to follow Jesus. Your desires change and now I'm trying to hold on as best as I can to this call. Because It's gotta be worth the cost. These acts of faith add up to something. I just hope I am happy to see the fruits of it all. Everything that I've been doing to answer God's call on my life has touched all the people it's supposed to. Just remember, the call might not be easy, but it's always resided in you. Just like it's always resided in Joseph and David and Ruth and Mordecai and Esther and Job and everybody else. We see what happens when we step outside of fear and into the call. Plant our feet into God. Keep your faith crazy. Most days, I want to tap out, but curiosity killed the cat, and God is the only one who can bring 'em back. I guess I'm riding this thing out until the wheels fall off. (Even when I get jumped by some demons.) Gonna cry and then get fired up in my faith! I started speaking this into my phone this morning so I can edit on my computer...

I have found myself angry regarding people judging me where I am currently. I can see the acceleration in my life because I am experiencing it. Society can get caught up in what they think we"ought" to be doing. This "judgy" nature leaves no room for grace, rest, or improvement. Judgment is not something we humans are good at. We have our convictions, and that can look different for someone else. Yahweh has his way of dealing with us. He didn't all plan for our lives to look the same or for us to act the same way. We aren't equipped to judge others because we do not know the story God has written for them. We are all trying to walk out of our predetermined steps and live the life God destined for us. The struggle and resistance build us and prepare us for the many things we have to endure in both realms. The blessing is us striding with God. The result is joy, peace, and abundance."Doing what feels natural and filling" is what God wants you to do because he planned it. Society likes to play judge and jury and forget that they are only crossing paths with people in the middle of the story God has written or rewriting. The plans God has for you, some chapters look like you are making ALL the wrong turns. Side Note: This is different when GOD sends a message via the HOLY SPIRIT to help GUIDE and CORRECT you, but a conviction should never feel like condemnation because it is through God's loving guidance. I had someone asks me "Was it in God's will for you to struggle?" This question cut me so deep that I cried out to God, and he answered with comfort. I Lamented on the question and realized: like Josiah in the bible (2 Kings 23:1-27), God instructed me to tear down everything he didn't command or authorize. Spring 2023 is about restoration and new beginnings for me. I have encountered so many people who caught me at a time when God had me pivot. So yeah, it was. God will put you in a season(s) where you learn things from His way and His point of view. I am still figuring out who this woman is and where she needs the most care. I am deciding what this new foundation I am setting up for my generation. What knowledge do I want to pass on to them so my bloodline won't feel that love is hard, healing is impossible, and to know they can bounce back from anything? If I can't encourage you to do anything else I want to encourage you to not be discouraged by people viewing you from a place where you are toiling and prioritizing the Journey God designed. keep walking and above all else Keep God first. I

I have been thinking about what love means to love. I've talked about that in a recent blog post. Unconditional love is something that not everyone knows how to give or receive. It's a mutual exchange. Sometimes we fall short of others' expectations, and ultimately, we are human. My friends showed up in ways that weren't always gentle but truthful and full of love. Love is compassionate and full. It often comes in packages we call friends. God knew I would feel alone in certain seasons and sent some incredible people to weather the storms beside me. It is not always equal, but we show up when and now we can. They have taught me the value of love is being present and not just correcting what is wrong. I value the times I get to learn and grow with them and the impact that it has on our life together. A friend does not take advantage of the relationship but shows up actively for each other. My friends have set the standard for ALL my relationships. The moment God started removing half-baked and over-baked friendships from my circle, I was left with what I know now as the strongest pillars of my life. They have shown me compassion, strength, and weaknesses in a way that my family could not. They stand in the gap and exhibit a love I choose to be a part of. I am not too much or too little for them, but we complement each other perfectly. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. Because love is fluid, like water, it will flow wherever there is an opening. Family may be the first place you discover love, but friends expand it to new heights. This was taken over 10+ years ago and was the first picture I took with my long-term best friend. This is Shay, also known as my sister in Christ. We've been friends for 7+ years. This is Christian, Jaxon, and Kody. We have been friends for 5+ years now.

I know that I fall short. Sometimes I can be ill tempered and too hasty. But I know this is something I wanted to work on and actively do as well. I no longer wanted to be the person who weaponized what I've gone through to try to diminish what someone else was going through. Because I know the things I've been through almost cost me my life and now that I am in a space of gratitude, it also has created a space for grace, not only for myself, but for others. Transcript is a little wonky for the video but here it is! We say that everyone goes through something and people usually mean that to be condescending; they don't say it to bring peace or grace to the situation. They're just saying that to diminish or negate what you're saying- But because everyone goes through something, that means that we're doing this life thing together. That means we're going through hard situations together. And it's- iit's an important way to bring grace and understanding into any situation. And instead of using that phrase for a negative like, oh, it doesn't matter what you're going through because everyone goes through something, we should bring peace and love and kindness into those situations because truly you never know what someone's going through. Just because what didn't kill you did made you stronger. That could be someone else's breaking point and God never wants us to go through our breaking points, to break us to where the point to where we lose our lives or we just give up on life but to make a stronger and not everyone, survives that process. And it's up to us as human beings going on this experience together. We're all in this together to provide that support. That grace- in love that- everyone needs to get through something. That is the choice that God wants us to make with someone comes to us, and vents to us, and talks to us about our problems. And even though we might have gone through worse. it does not mean someone is going through less. You may have survived. You might survive one of the hardest storms you've ever faced, and this person comes to you and they're like, oh my God, like- They are telling you about these storms, they're going through and you're like "girl, that ain't nothing but a thunderstorm! I went through a whole tornado!" But it doesn't matter; there is still grace allowed for even small situations. Nothing- if God doesn't- When we are crying over the smallest things, then we get over it and then we have hindsight. We're like God. Why was I crying about that? God does not treat anything that we go through as small or insignificant, but he treats everything with the same grace, love, and patience that he would even want when he knows you're going through one of your hardest tests. And I know there's a limit to our grace because we're not God, there's a limit to our grace theirs limits to our mercies or there are limits to our patients, but is so important for us to at least try to give that to somebody else. You never know how much that will change their life, and something I've been saying so much recently is kindness- Kindness, don't cost a thing. Kindness, cost nothing. It cost nothing.

LET ME EXPLAIN! I know we've been taught to fear God first, but I want to challenge what that actually means. When you love someone, you don't want them to leave you and you'll do everything in your power, including change, to make sure the relationship last. Hold that thought. My Then Supervisor, we'll call him... "EL," started having conversations with me about God. He said something that I believe changed my perspective about God. He said, "We always hear about God's wrath, but rarely do we ever hear about God's grace and God's love. You know what I'm doing all day when I'm walking around? Praying! I talk to God all day because I know me." This man was a firecracker, and so am I in many ways. could literally go on and on about how much God loves me and I love God, but I'll save that for my project... anyway. Think about any relationships that you have. I want you to think about family and friends first. These are typically the relationships you build and grow for a lifetime. What do you do to maintain them? How do you facilitate growth and understanding when they change? Aren't you more willing to have those tough conversations necessary to keep them in your life? Except, God is the greatest relationship we can have because he can answer all the questions these people can't answer. (TRUST ME I KNOW.) Well, why don't we treat God that same way? He knows the inner workings of who we are. God created you. Whenever you talk to him, he gives you insight daily. He reveals things about who he created you to be and what he wants you to do with your gifts and talents. If you didn't have anyone else to talk to, God is always listening. Even when you think he isn't. Even when you can not hear his voice- he hears you. God is a consistent winner. He fights off things and breaks up relationships that we don't have the insight to see why they had to go. OR even keeps us from opportunities that would do us harm. God is the ultimate. I would hate to lose anyone like that in my life. Someone who is a constant and no matter where I am or what time it is, he's there to chat or help you go to sleep. (Those naps in the secret place be LEGIT.) So many nights I cried to God when not one friend could answer the phone or understood the emotions I felt, but God did. The more I built my relationship with God, the less I feared him. That "Fear" we are taught to have. Is actually translated into Awe. So the "fear" has turned into respect and deep admiration for what God does. I am in awe of how God uses people and does the things he does so... perfect. Not gonna hold you though, it can be a little scary sometimes. It's like seeing a tall tree, that can crush you if it fell, but it's still beautiful! I don't question God as much as I used to. I used to ask, "God, why am I here?" Now I wait for him to reveal the answer and ask, "What should I be learning here?" I talk to God after every storm, every time someone hurt my feelings, or even when I want to hurt someone's feelings. The love I have for God grows every single day, and I always ask to go deeper with God. The only thing I fear of God is drifting away from him. I never want to lose my relationship with God. I've worked too hard to turn away or not give him his props! He's done a great work in me! What God can do in a few months your relationships with people would take years to do! Nothing will satiate that! There's nothing better than having Abba the father, Jesus who's closer than a brother, and the holy spirit relaying the truth from the throne room. THAT'S MY FIRST LOVE. FOR REAL. I hope my whole life is a reflection of what it looks like having God on your side. The link that is in GREEN leads to an article by 'Firm Isreal' that I found that breaks down the word Fear and its meaning in the bible! LOVE, Troy

God is outstanding, and so are you! Ephesians 2:10 For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. God thought about you. We often hear that we should have confidence in who we are. Afterall, we are uniquely and wonderfully made...but what does that exactly mean? And how does it apply to you? How amazing is it that God thought about you Like he thought of your name, all the gifts he wanted to give you to succeed, and every other little detail in between. How amazing is that? I hope you take notes for this blog post. Every detail God created you with should be a cause for celebration. Let me be honest, I viewed confidence in 2 ways. Having confidence used to look like having to say affirmations, wearing certain types of clothes, and feeling my worth was in what I did/do. It lacked depth for me and still does honestly. Knowing who, what, and why I was created and loving every single flaw about me; felt like owning who I was. It felt like I was allowing myself room to grow into an even more AWESOME version of myself. I could just be airing my dirty drawls about how I always felt about confidence, but I think it's necessary. I had to call in Big Papa for this one. As we have discussed or will discuss on my blog, I had no clue who I was until I met God one-on-one. God is my best friend and my biggest fan. (Yours too, boo! God is omnipresent, omniscience and omnipotent.) When I started seeking God for who I was and why am I was so special (Because I swore people were lying!) He slowed me down and made me look at all the skills I had. I could read someone a list of their skills and how they could apply them to each area of their life, and Yahweh was like, "Yeah, do that, but for you." When I tell you I was mind blown. Like God, I am the woman I always wanted to be! Little T would be so proud and high-school Troy would be smiling so big. She was so shy... I wish I could go back and hug myself. God does not require anything he didn't already in place down inside of us. I started feeling really good about this body, mind, heart, and personality of mine. I really am Great! God created me so! God has crafted this amazing woman and I should feel like- A Masterpiece! God has created us in his likeness and in his image. Now that I know that for myself, it has unlocked confidence in me that sits right. I feel so at home in my own body. I love myself and who I am constantly becoming. All that I can do, I enjoy! I am the mold-breaker. That's the only requirement about being confident I think anyone should have. I can't bring myself to care about someone not liking me because I am different. If you wanted someone like you around, then clone yourself or find someone who is like you! But as for me and my house? I'm going to find other art pieces created by God. I DON'T FIT ANYWHERE AND I LOVE IT. THAT IS HEAVENLY CONFIDENCE. I have a challenge for you. For seven days, I want you to look at the sky. Are two skies ever the same? Let me know your results, but I'll share mine. There's always something different each time. Maybe birds flying, planes flying, colors are distinct and so are the clouds. God is truly a master creator. So why shouldn't I feel confident about who I am? The sky doesn't worry about looking different every day. I would even say it looks forward to what God is doing next! That's the kind of confidence only the creator can bring! PEACE, Troysha G. I want to hear from you!

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (ESV)Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. Disclaimer: This blog post does not seek to encourage anyone who has been in an abusive relationship. Nor am I advising you to look over someone's horrendous actions to stay with them. On the contrary, I hope this encourages you to think about loving yourself and leaving any toxicity behind it is not worth it and in my own very own opinion, it is not love! I also hope this encourages you to try to love again in a healthier way. All opinions are my own and should not be taken as facts. Anything That is easy is almost always not worth having. Loving humans are complicated, including yourself. Because it's simple yet takes diligence and a conscious effort. We have been pitched this image of what love is, and we don't know what to do when that image is disturbed or tested. I do believe in fairy tale love, but I also know that we are seeing the beginning of what is supposed to last forever in these movies and books. Of course, the work has been done to gain the love, but we rarely see stories of keeping the magic alive to ensure that love feels fresh every day. I think that this is because we only look at love through emotion and not the actions that require us to keep it. Love is tested when you see the good, bad, and ugly of people. My favorite... My FAVORITE Tv couple is Whitley and Dewayne from "A Different World." some people watch "Friends" and "Grey's Anatomy" but me? I love some "A Different World." Especially now that I have gone through college and ultimately a few encounters with romance. We got to see so much through Whitley's and Dewayne's relationship. We saw the good, bad, and ugly sides of them. That's the most important part. Are you going to love someone when they're at their ugly stages of growth? There were so many things that both these characters had to unlearn, re-learn, shed and grow together on. You saw when they were both being frustratingly immature and sometimes disrespectful to each other. But no one is perfect. If the good outweighs the bad the majority of the time, are you going to let that stop you from loving someone? Sometimes we can get in our own way. We claim we want something different, something new yet run away when that option is presented to us. Love is work! It requires flexibility, curiosity, and patience. Lots of patience! Let's Break it Down. 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (ESV) Love is patient and kind; Some people say, " I am ready to love now. I have learned from my past mistakes and I am ready." I hope this makes you think about what exactly did you learn from your past mistakes? I would tell you now when I look back on my past experience I take the time for it to humble me to know that I know/knew nothing. That this experience with this last person should not be carried into this new relationship, and to go into this new thing with curiosity and patience. We try to rush good things and good things take...TIME. I am a romantic, not hopeless, but I love the whirlwind of it all. Now that I have matured. I value learning to love someone patiently. Giving us time to unfold ourselves in the tempo we have set. I can see and experience the beauty of this person and the love we are creating. Yet, I can see the flags if there are any. But most importantly I can see the good, bad, and ugly and decide if I want to participate in this love. Secondly, love is kind. I am a person who has been loved the way others have wanted to love me, but not in the way that I actually needed or desired. I didn't know I had such a "transactional" or "merit-based view of love" until God loved me. God is a steady force. God constantly sends people my way to tell me "God loves me/you." I was annoyed at first. I knew God loved me, but he was telling me that it was unconditional. That I didn't have to perform well all the time to be loved by him. Kindness gives room to those people who are committed to learning what love is despite not knowing how to be or give love. The song, "Teachme" by Musiq Soulchild comes to mind. love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. This is crucial, especially for those of you who haven't healed from past wounds committed by trying to love the wrong person. Love should be gentle and grounding. It should feel make you feel protected and vulnerable in the best way. I had to be vulnerable with God.... so vulnerable. Love isn't always 50/50 nor should it be 90/10. You have to recognize and not make excuses when you see these behaviors. I did, and it didn't show up loud it showed up quietly in conversations and actions. Being iced out, violating each other's boundaries, assuming "You should know that!" I didn't have dating experience. I really don't count that experience as a relationship either. It was the first time I was exploring this emotion of love outside of family and friends. It wasn't until God was changing me and he couldn't see it that I realized that he loved an idea of me. He was so rude the last time we talked. Mockingly rude. I understood then but really understand now, he was projecting this kind of love unto me. It's all he knew. That makes me sad, I pray for him still because he was a good guy, who made terrible hurtful decisions, and in truth so did I. (SN: I'm still praying about if I want to talk about that experience or not.) It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; Love should never feel like a chore or a compromise. A lot of us can be selfish. We get so upset when someone doesn't do something we want them to do. I see this every day. I am not just talking about romantic relationships here either. I can only control myself. love takes sacrificing the flesh (aka ego and pride and all things that prevent you from seeing the truth and real love.) and committing to your boundaries and openness. Creating a space for love to be here and active. People are not here for my amusement or pleasure. People aren't here to just do what I say! No, they are unique interesting creatures and if I want someone to love me unconditionally, I need to let go of those conditionals. Boundaries keep people from disrespecting you, and from compromising on yourself. Remember Love never ends and you are also to be loved by yourself. Just the way God loves you. If you don't have a personal relationship with God you will come to know just how much God loves and adores his children. You know that Jesus never compromised on his identity he stood ten toes down on it. He even checked people with love about the... Truth. it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Jesus is the living word. Jesus' name was slandered and constantly dragged through the mud. He definitely modeled boundaries with how he was patient with his enemies and loved them too, but also let them know they weren't telling the truth. You see how he chose to focus on the love and counseling of the people who reciprocated that. He had boundaries with those he needed to. The gates to commune and love were always open. But the truth will always stand forever. God's ways are not our own. God does not delight in people abusing others or any other harm caused by someone else. God wants each one of us to be filled with love always. He IS love. God works everything for our good, but not all that hurt is a part of his plan. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. Jesus. Literally, this just reminds me of Jesus. God will always guide you to the truth and where love will water you. Love is ever-flowing. It's an infinite resource. But love requires a strong solid foundation. Built inside of you with God. Wrapping Up: Driving the Point Home. I want to take a moment to make sure I am making myself clear. The wrong kind of love can break you. If you are over-giving over sharing- overdoing anything that involves anyone/anything outside of yourself love can turn into something ugly. If you want to build something long-lasting- If you want to really get to experience unconditional love, it requires work on your end. Love requires openness and vulnerability. That means you need to toil for it. Nothing in these verses "screams" easy. We have our moments of ugliness. When we are boastful and envious and even resentful. But love also comes with forgiveness- kindness, and patience. We are human. I hope this inspires you to build healthier relationships around love. To give space to those who want to love but haven't figured out how! Love should look like a harvest. You planted the seeds, watched over them, watered them when needed, and awaited the time for you to reap. Reap good seasons sugars! After all, Love is infinite and ever-flowing. God Bless, Troysha G. Additional Reading: Songs of Solomon or Songs of Songs Additional Songs: Everybody Wants to Rule the World- Tears for Fears I'm Special- Rachelle Ferrell Love is the Key- Maze Messy Love- Nao

Let's get real about the thief of joy, Comparison. Don't cover up those feelings ma'am. Release it to God. Comparison is the Thief of Joy. The Plague I have lived at the mercy of comparison for far more than I'd like to admit. My friends past and present have all taught me how to treat everyone as an individual and why you shouldn't go and compare yourself to people. But of course, this is hindsight. Can I toot some horns for a moment? Even if we are no longer friends... I have known some amazingly talented and beautiful people. My guy friends are so tech-savvy and creative GIANTS all TWO OF THEM! My girlfriends are all so intuitive, creative, deep, and purely amazing. When you're surrounded by greatness is hard not to go off and compare yourself. To believe you don't measure up. I Believe comparison is a nasty little thing because it blinds you. It creates feelings of jealousy and inadequacy which makes you feed into those unchecked insecurities. It allows space for you to forget the fact that these people you admire and love are still human. That they make mistakes. I had this romantic idea that my friends had something I didn't. That it was so easy for them to cultivate their gifts and talents and float around a room and we were able to do all the things I wanted to effortlessly... That all the things they were doing came naturally. How invalidating is that? We go through so many trials in our life to build endurance and hopefully learn from lessons we don't have to repeat. But the comparison doesn't tell you that. The Cure. This little fox tells you that you aren't trying enough, and if they can seemingly accomplish all these things then there's something wrong with you. You are the one who is inadequate. It wants you to brood about it. To bring yourself to your knees and maybe even envy those same people you should be loving and encouraging because how else is it supposed to steal the opportunity for you to grow with the community you've been blessed with? How else is it supposed to get you to feed that part of you who's insecure and hasn't learned that good things take time? That you do truly love these people first! That side of you hasn't learned that perfectionism is destructive and it prevents you from seeing yourself for who God created you to be. So no, the comparison doesn't tell you these things because then you'll have to enjoy the journey of becoming who you are. Allowing yourself to be persuaded by this feeling can cost you a whole lot of time. Time is very, VERY precious. You are a limited resource with a limited amount of time to get to and complete your purpose. When you compare yourself you focus on what makes someone else great and miss what God wants to show you what makes YOU great. Plus, these people are there to be a reflection of what is inside of you! You know you love them and they love you too! Especially when you know that the people that surround you now are genuine. They aren't lying to make you feel better! Galatians 6:4-5 Pay Careful Attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else for we are each responsible for our own conduct. You are a limited resource baby. Realize that God has a lot of work for YOU to do. I want you to go tell yourself you're an amazing person all on your own! Ask God if you don't believe me, so he can tell you! And if you're not an amazing person? God has grace for that and he will cultivate you into something new. At first, I was going to write the blog post in the typical way we describe comparison. But I knew how my heart was in this season of my life. I don't know if you have caught a theme here. But insecurity and being blind to how God sees you breed so much sorrow. Don't fall into that trap! Now that I am free of this little fox- my celebration of my friend's successes is unrestricted!!! Even when I use to compare myself I would run around because of my friends' victories! Now I knock stuff over and throw a party in my room! It's like I won! I won the lottery with these people! I enjoy all of them in my life, and I will not have anything stop me from enjoying their success and ENJOYING MINE too. There's no room for comparison here. JUST LOVE. God Bless, Troysha Gigggans

A Prayer for the month of October. Dear my God, my holy father in heaven. I thank you for all the things you've done for me. You have grown me into this...incredible person who uses their trials and their lessons to help people know that it's okay to be vulnerable. That we don't have to compare our pain for it to still be pain. God, I pray that this is the month of miracles actualizing for everyone who reads this. The things people's souls have been in anticipation for. God, we both know that what we need isn't always what we need. I pray that your children, accept the gifts that you bring and that waiting isn't just to torture them, but there's a process to blessing us. You are making sure that we can sustain. We often forget that you don't think about "right now." You already know how our life will turn out no matter what we do or who we choose. You love us enough to know that we need grace when this life feels so unbearable. I pray that your children no longer give up in the month of October, that when things get hard they run towards you and not from you. That they face you with all their emotions and lay their hearts out on the altar for you to repair. With you, vulnerability is a must so we can see the light that walks with us. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus, for the sacrifices that you made for us long before we were born. We have been thought of by God. To be loved so fully and so limitless is a blessing all on its own. So I pray that this month is just a month of new and fresh things happening in the lives of your children. I pray they don't lose faith in what you're doing and that it is always...ALWAYS worth the wait. In the Mighty Name of Jesus. Amen.

There's so much I could say about my mama. My Linda. There's so much wisdom and healing that happened between our turbulent relationship, but at the end of the day, I loved my mama. My mama had me when she had been "born again." Meaning she started to develop her own personal relationship with God. My mom was wise, not in the ways of the world, but in the ways of God, and amazingly smart. My mom taught me what it's like to be a very flawed person who can still find redemption through God and the surrounding people. That it's my responsibility to learn the bible and seek God for myself. Because at the end of the day, God will not count all the days you went to church, but all the things you did to serve Him. She may have been a tough cookie, but you could never say my mom didn't love our King. I valued the times when she was mom and I didn't have to watch her cry, and her plead with me to not let this world turn my heart cold. That I don't end up like her, dead inside. I value those words now, because I realize just how much I act like my mom. My mom was called to serve. I know when I have the opportunity to take care of someone, It's like it's my moment to thrive. I know my mom felt like that too. But when you don't have any boundaries- it can take all the life out of you. OR CAUSE YOU TO PLAY GOD in someone's life. That's what happened to my mom. She lived to serve and when those people who she served who she nutured, couldn't give that back in return it broke her heart. (I know I watched her cry about it and we talked about it.) I think the very first thing my mom said that stuck with me was, "I'd give the shirt off my back if someone needs it." Because she knew God would always pay her back for her sacrifice. I got to watch this over and over and learn from it too. As I watched my mom get up and pray in the morning read her bible, or seemingly know when things would happen before they did I thought my mom had super powers. And it annoyed me so much! In middle school I had this... "friend" that I had met on my first day of school, We'll Call her Barb. I invted Barb over my house, because my mama was strict. "You can come over HERE, but my child ain't going OVER THERE!" she would say. I remember this so vividly, she looked Barb in the eyes, this 11 year old girl and told her, "You a snake and a liar and I don't like you." I was so embarrased. I even tried to defend this girl and that led to everyone getting cursed out and put outside. I was so apologetic. At the time I didn't know Barb was spreading rumors about me. Awful rumors, that she told me someone else was spreading about me. Later on my mama had a long talk with me, about people like her. She told me to be careful who I hang around, and that I should be more discerning in the future. She said, "you may not believe me now but watch what happens." I don't think it was even a month later that our friendship dissolved and I told my mama she was right. She was a snake and a liar. I can't help but laugh at that memory, because my moms prophetic insight was on point. But it taught me to be selective with who I allow close to me. After all, my mom and I are both sensitive people. She was Tough on the oustide but softer than tissue on the inside. So now when I meet someone it doesn't matter who they are to me. I always sit back and watch the people around me to see how they reveal themselves. Whether it's good or bad to be vigiliant. Just like she taught me. But the true testimony of my mom's faith was just the conversations we would have about everything, well almost everything. My mom is a baby boomer and I am a Older Gen-Z. But they way she spoke about God, and taught me what she know. How she observed the lessons in her life, and how she wasn't opposed from learning from me either laid the foundation for my relationship with God. I would always pick up my bible inconsistently throughout middle school and highschool. I didn't know at the time but I would talk to God and he would talk back to me. I just thought I was talking to myself the whole time. SN: I just loved asking a lot of questions and God is the only person that has the patience to listen. Plus...I didn't know God talks back. Then my mom dies 1st semester of sophmore year. and the first thing I say is well, My mom isn't here to pray for me anymore and I can't live off of her prayers forever. I don't have her hear to ask for wisdom or comfort. I need to develope my own relationship with God. For a month I seperated myself from everyone and would Go to the library on Campus and read the word of God. I was like God, I want the kind of relationship my mom had with you. I desire that too. Well it would be 4 years later until I actually commited myself to God the way he desires but without me seeing my mom showing that faith. Without my mom showing me what it was like to sit at God's feet- I don't think I would have reached God this quickly. Matthew 7:7-8 says, "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened." And God not only opened that door, but it's like he was waiting a long time ago for me to come to him. And once I did ask for help God rolled out the plan so fast it made my head spin, but I love my Yahweh and my Jesus! The holy spirit just be spitting straight fire and I am here for it. My mama might be gone, but I gained the King in her place. And I am so very greatful for that. AND to know that she, Is living and eating GOOD okay?! I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!!! SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS. :)