Count the Cost: A Tired Believer

"Run it up! Run it up! Run it!"

It's all I can think about when I see count the cost. I love the stars. It's where I go to feel closer to God. Whether it's deep off into the night or early morning, this is the time I talk to God the most. Where I need him the most. I don't want to be a person who only talks about the triumphs of their walk with God. Shoot October started as a month of praise and worship and now? I don't have any hope for my situation. I'm typing the edits of this on Jesus' fumes. I am tired. Truly tired. This hasn't been easy. I started this blog in what feels like the best and worst year of my life. Because I am aware of what's going on physically and attuned to what's going on spiritually. The enemy has been attempting to run a fade or has at least gotten a few licks in. This has been more frequent since I was building the website for this blog and releasing videos on youtube. I've also been trying to celebrate some of my wins physically and spiritually. Child...

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This is HARD! I WANNA GO HOME.

I'm getting the hang of God's test and when the enemy is taking a swing at me. Y'all, I'm just grateful I run to God now instead of bottling things all up. Everyone has been testing my patience, my peace, and my mind, but I have to endure. I knew when I started this blog that I may find myself discouraged. Everything I am doing right now is so new and so frustrating. I can see the weaknesses of my writing amplified by this blog! This has all been so disorienting. I thought stepping into my purpose and beginning to hold my mantle would give me peace! God never tells you all the things you're going to encounter when you say yes to him. You just have to continue scared out of your mind!

There's nothing to do but to get through it.

I feel more stunned every day and man, I know I am getting stronger the more I weather these storms. They are doing nothing more than pushing me deeper with God. But, really I'm running the enemy, and all his goonies a fade as soon as I go on to glory!

The journey is not easy. It's a lot of tears. It's a lot of shedding. It's a lot of learning, not just what God is doing in your life. Nope, it's more than that. You're riding a bike on the freeway. God is telling you your next steps while you're still taking the first four! You're learning on all fronts while you're losing friends, you're losing fears, you are shedding all the things that do not serve you in this season and you're constantly dying to yourself and being made new. You're constantly changing and having to navigate while God is transitioning you.

HELLO SOMEBODY?!?! I know I talked about it on my blog before, but we don't need to throw a "who has it a worse party." Truth is, life's gonna try to run a fade on everyone regardless of what you've been through, what you're going through, and what you will go through. Some people are just getting hit by storms that they never in a million years thought they'd have to face. Some have been fighting for their life all their life.

God is constantly shaping and shaking and moving. That's why we call upon the spirit of the living God. When you take this faith walk you have a calling on your life that is higher than anything that you ever imagined. God gives some people these promises well in advance and it's been a long time coming.... and you're still waiting. God has a funny way of getting you where you need to go. Look at Joseph! It's a narrow road. You can walk with many and still feel lonely. Seeing myself birthing new versions of myself means I am being stretched constantly and given different challenges to form me. The places God is taking me on my journey I can't be a weak leader of God. I don't want to lead by emotions. I know I cannot afford to do those things in the places where God is calling me to.

I want to be a wise servant of God to lead people with love and Christ-like behavior.

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I wanna shove People's Opinions off of a Roof.

I don't like talking to noncreative or people who aren't there yet with their faith walk. Usually, when I talk to these people they can't see past a certain point. Everything is simple and plain, and their advice is... hit or miss. They'll get the physical (i.e situations, emotions, mental, and physical things) right, but miss the spiritual aspect and vice versa. When you're living in your purpose and when you answer the call, you have to turn your back on so many opinions. You start to realize that some people can scare you out of your path.

All of you who are stepping into your purpose... You will have to take some steps that look crazy! Keep Going!

It's big stepping faith. I got into high school theatre by being dropped into a class. It was the scariest thing I thought I'd ever do, but it led me here. I was a shy kid and that was a total change for me because I barely spoke above a whisper when I entered high school. You give up everything to follow Jesus. Your desires change and now I'm trying to hold on as best as I can to this call. Because It's gotta be worth the cost. These acts of faith add up to something. I just hope I am happy to see the fruits of it all. Everything that I've been doing to answer God's call on my life has touched all the people it's supposed to.

Just remember, the call might not be easy, but it's always resided in you. Just like it's always resided in Joseph and David and Ruth and Mordecai and Esther and Job and everybody else. We see what happens when we step outside of fear and into the call. Plant our feet into God. Keep your faith crazy. Most days, I want to tap out, but curiosity killed the cat, and God is the only one who can bring 'em back. I guess I'm riding this thing out until the wheels fall off.

(Even when I get jumped by some demons.)

Gonna cry and then get fired up in my faith!

I started speaking this into my phone this morning so I can edit on my computer...