The words to break.

This could just be me, but my writing feels so much more mature now that I am growing in maturity with Christ. There are a lot of things that I would have spent time crying about that I now pray about and actually believe i'll be delivered from. This blog post is near and dear to my heart, and I'm going to try to keep it as short and sweet as possible.

Over the last 5 months, I have been praying to God for emotional intelligence. In this process, the things that I had to lay down were things I never wanted to say out loud.

Things that caused me to blow up or be triggered by something that someone said or moments that I knew what the issue was, but I didn't want to say it because it was unfavorable. It was ugly.

To be emotionally mature is to take accountability for ourselves. Not in the way that people demand from us, but in the way that Christ calls us to. Accountability is the truth!

1 Corinthians 13:6 ESV (love)

[6] It does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

A lot of times, these things we are scared to shine light on can fester and grow into sinful actions. For a very long time, I was insecure, and I was angry at the world and at people who never had to go through the things that I had to go through. This was causing resentment, anger, and other hurtful emotions to build up inside of me. This caused me to lean into being stubborn, which is basically pride in poor clothing. The Lord taught me that both of those things are so trivial. They are self-centered and prideful. That may be a little harsh to some who may read this blog post, but it's true.

Where is your identity? Is it in what you can do, or is it in the one who created you?

When you confess your sins to God, you allow him to expose the deep roots of something that is troubling. God will give you the words to call it out, cast it out, and get rid of it for good. Having the words to call a thing by its name could be shown in the story of Jesus casting out Legion.

****In no way, shape, or form am I telling you this is the revelation of this event, but it relates to this topic.***

Mark 5:9-10.

‭Mark 5:9-10 NIV‬

[9] Then Jesus asked him, “What is your name?” “My name is Legion,” he replied, “for we are many.” [10] And he begged Jesus again and again not to send them out of the area.

https://bible.com/bible/111/mrk.5.8-10.NIV

But verse 8 says this:

‭Mark 5:8-10 NIV‬

[8] For Jesus had said to him, “Come out of this man, you impure spirit!”

Jesus already knew what was in the man and guaranteed he already knew their name was legion. I am not making an equivalent to the scriptures directly, but showing you what it felt like to walk this out. When I read this, it showed me that God knows what to do and how to handle a situation. God will meet me in a place, even though I may not always feel like I need deliverance or am sinful. Insecurity, or whatever you're going through, may not feel like it relates to sin, but it does.

God had been asking me to sit with him, and I would, but I couldn't figure out what to say. I needed to repent first. We must ask God for repentance, and then we can deal with the rest.

I had a situation happen that made me have such a strong emotional feeling that I had no choice but to be vulnerable and tell God what I was feeling, and when I did, he gave me the name of it. That identified the root of something, and it was pulled up in that instant.

This was insecurity. I know who I am in Christ; I know what value I hold, but I didn't feel secure enough to accept and receive it.

I try to ask God to identify my sins, known and unknown, so I can cast them down and create more space for holiness and righteousness. I now know that I'm a slow processor, and I am still working on being a better communicator of my emotions and feelings in regards to my boundaries. Realizing that insecurity was stifling my voice, I knew I was going to have to speak up more, be bold, and surrender to God in a new way.

Letting other people's opinions rule over you is disobedience. How can Christ be your Lord and Savior when you're allowing people to dictate who you are and what you can do? Just because you respect this person and their opinion doesn't mean you have to agree.

In the middle of me pouring my heart out. I dried my tears so quickly after hearing this revelation. I apologized to God. It was as if I was delivered from something I knew I had but did not have a name for. That wasn't my identity in Christ.

With the work I have been doing on myself and coming to terms with my humanity, I realize I will never be perfect. I am not Christ, but I was created in his image. I am a beautiful woman of God, and it's not based on my outward appearance. What makes me beautiful is my soul, rooted in Christ. Sometimes you can give power to the wrong words or names.

It could be uncomfortable to call these things out. I did not want to attach myself to such things. However, what I realized in that moment was that the root was being removed. Even though all of these years I knew what I was capable of, I shy away from it because I believe the limitations set on me. I am valuable!

Speaking the words does not give them power.

You have to believe that those words are true in order for them to have power over you. We need to be able to identify our aches, our pains, and the unsuitable parts of ourselves that we would rather bury. We will be just like the man who was inhabited by legion. These things should not tear us apart from our Lord, our community, or our sanity. You need to know the name because Jesus Christ gave us the authority to get rid of it!

Call out the darkness in your life. Call it out and tell it you don't have authority here. So you can do the real work of holding yourself accountable and healing. Be honest and say that you're angry that you had to go through this process, but rejoice that Christ has overcome the world.

Boy, that was quicker than I thought it was going to be. That's all I have to say!

-Troysha

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